Dear friends. If you love everything about the festive period, please move on. Nothing for you here.
This post is aimed at those who find Christmas difficult and/or boring. It can even be a triggering event for some, to use young people's parlance.
Adverts and films perpetuate the Christmases of joyful celebrations, carol singing, wreath making, snowball throwing (always, in films, despite the UK's low likelihood of snow) and tearful family reunions.
The reality for many is Christmas on their own. Or Christmas marred by sad memories. Christmas in a hostel for some women (public holidays always spark incidents of domestic violence), with no presents for their children. It's not a good time for estranged families, or for newly separated or divorced people, either with or without young children.
Christmas is a hard time to dodge. Having lost any religious status in our largely secular society, it's all people talk about, although occasionally they back up and remember that other holidays are celebrated at this time including Hanukkah.
You can unsubscribe from emails about Mother's Day but not about Christmas.
Poignant Time
I find Christmas a poignant time. It stopped being joyful in 2014. My elder brother died on his own in Greece, having moved there 6 months previously, full of hope.
He found it colder in winter than he expected, and his health was poor. My last text from him was at 4pm on Christmas Day when he said he was going to watch The Great Escape. That was the last we heard. I didn't have a number for his landlord or anyone out there to call, and my calls and texts to him went unanswered. Then came the knock of police at our door. He had had a massive haemorrhage.
Since then, my mum and I have found Christmas and its enforced jollity tough.
She's 92 and as intelligent as ever. She is adamant every year that she doesn't feel Christmas and prefers to spend it largely on her own.
Every year well meaning people ask why I'm not going there for Christmas. I go down early in December, in line with her wishes. She has other family members nearby. She says that Christmas is just another weekend but with better television, and that by the time we reach our 90s, we'll probably feel the same. I must respect her wishes.
This year there's the added sadness of losing my only aunt this month, although it was to be expected as she was poorly and aged 92.
I am filled with regret that I didn't get to Greece to see my brother, and that I hadn't seen my aunt for a few years. I am torn between John's close knit family in London and my handful of far-flung relatives.
As we get older, Christmas inevitably loses some of its lustre
Christmas can be wonderful when you're a child. Children still get excited about presents, Father Christmas and trips to grottos and pantomimes. When you're older, it becomes more of a time to remember loved ones. If you have a religious faith, it is a joyful time.
I'm not going to give a list of tips for how to get your Christmas mojo back.
When the time is right you might lean into Christmas again. If you want to do something different, you could volunteer to help the homeless with Crisis or with the Salvation Army.
And if someone is reluctant to share their Christmas plans, don't press them or ask "why?"
Does anyone else feel the same about this time of year, or dread particular aspects of the festivities? Do tell in the comments.
There really are no words at a time such as this. But I remember that feeling. I was 13 when my Dad passed in Nov of 1968. Christmas was anything but a celebration.
ReplyDeleteA thoughtful piece. Many thanks for sharing. In the past, Christmas for me was work and began in September. That's what 40 years of music teaching does for you! I am still involved in Christmas music but now, thankfully, as a choral singer rather than being in charge of anything. As the years go by, with the inevitable losses you speak so movingly of, I find great solace in seasonal music and recommend to everyone a dose of Carols from King's College on Christmas Eve. Have a peaceful holiday season, Gail, however you choose to spend it.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jenny. I always watch Carol's from King's, and will be going to Evensong at St Paul's tomorrow. Carols are indeed a great source of solace.
DeleteI lost my twin sister just before last Christmas she was the one who went all out at Christmas with decorations gifts and sparkle... she had already bought the presents.. I was devastated (still am really) but then my daughter has been given the all clear from her cancer no more hospital visits definitely mixed feelings..
ReplyDeleteCarols from King’s sounds just the ticket Gail, always uplifting. My mum passed away on Bank Holiday Monday this year and she was my last close relative. I have :3 cousins, one is my goddaughter but she has her own life and doesn’t contact me much except for last week when she asked me how I was then asked me how much my mother had left her, bearing in mind she isn’t a blood relative to my mum. I told her it was £5000 and then she said that she and her girlfriend were thinking of buying a place. What was I supposed to take from this? Well she is 37 with 2 degrees and a half done PhD which she may not finish. She only recently got her dream job so she’ll need to save and work hard. Sorry for rambling, anyway my partner has been in hospital for over a week and I will be busy looking after him when he gets out today. Look after yourself Gail, love your blogs x
ReplyDeleteTake care all who are grieving this Xmas I send hugest hugs of love & strength x
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