It's OK Not to Love Christmas

 

Dear friends. If you love everything about the festive period, please move on. Nothing for you here.

This post is aimed at those who find Christmas difficult and/or boring. It can even be a triggering event for some, to use young people's parlance. 

Adverts and films perpetuate the Christmases of joyful celebrations, carol singing, wreath making,  snowball throwing (always, in films, despite the UK's low likelihood of snow) and tearful family reunions.

The reality for many is Christmas on their own. Or Christmas marred by sad memories.  Christmas in a hostel for some women (public holidays always spark incidents of domestic violence), with no presents for their children. It's not a good time for estranged families, or for newly separated or divorced people, either with or without young children. 

Christmas is a hard time to dodge.  Having lost any religious status in our largely secular society, it's all people talk about, although occasionally they back up and remember that other holidays are celebrated at this time including Hanukkah. 

You can unsubscribe from emails about Mother's Day but not about Christmas.

Poignant Time 

I find Christmas a poignant time. It stopped being joyful in 2014. My elder brother died on his own in Greece, having moved there 6 months previously, full of hope.

He found it colder in winter than he expected,  and his health was poor. My last text from him was at 4pm on Christmas Day when he said he was going to watch The Great Escape. That was the last we heard. I didn't have a number for his landlord or anyone out there to call, and my calls and texts to him went unanswered. Then came the knock of police at our door. He had had a massive haemorrhage. 

Since then, my mum and I have found Christmas and its enforced jollity tough.

She's 92 and as intelligent as ever. She is adamant every year that she doesn't feel Christmas and prefers to spend it largely on her own. 

Every year well meaning people ask why I'm not going there for Christmas.  I go down early in December,  in line with her wishes. She has other family members nearby.  She says that Christmas is just another weekend but with better television, and that by the time we reach our 90s, we'll probably feel the same. I must respect her wishes. 

This year there's the added sadness of losing my only aunt this month, although it was to be expected as she was poorly and aged 92.

I am filled with regret that I didn't get to Greece to see my brother, and that I hadn't seen my aunt for a few years.  I am torn between John's close knit family in London and my handful of far-flung relatives.

As we get older, Christmas inevitably loses some of its lustre

Christmas can be wonderful when you're a child. Children still get excited about presents, Father Christmas and trips to grottos and pantomimes. When you're older, it becomes more of a time to remember loved ones. If you have a religious faith, it is a joyful time. 

I'm not going to give a list of tips for how to get your Christmas mojo back. 

When the time is right you might lean into Christmas again. If you want to do something different, you could volunteer to help the homeless with Crisis or with the Salvation Army. 

And if someone is reluctant to share their Christmas plans, don't press them or ask "why?"

Does anyone else feel the same about this time of year, or dread particular aspects of the festivities? Do tell in the comments.